I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
