Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
