I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
