i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The feeling are messing with the penis
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
