In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
