Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
