I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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