Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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