Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
