Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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