Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
