A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
