I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
