We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
