Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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