Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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