Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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