I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
