one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
