i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
