I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
