Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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