Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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