hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
