I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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