Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
