cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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