i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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