Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
