Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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