Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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