You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
