so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
