bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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