She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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