i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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