Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
