I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm too high and old for this...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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