she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
