please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
