woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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