He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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