forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
