We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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