In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
COCAINE IS GR8
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
