im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
