We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
