We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
