what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
