Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
