i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This house was built for laser tag.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
