I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Four minutes until I can fart!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
