something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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