Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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