as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
