he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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