i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
