I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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