look no pants
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
