Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
