Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize