Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
