if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
