Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
