I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
