I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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