Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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