check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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