i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
