A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
