A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
