...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
