I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
