Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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