Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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