bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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