Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
